~ Where Living, Loving & Learning Together is Art~ Creative, Messy, Joyful Discovery of Meaning in the Every Day Commonplace Miracles of Life “Knowledge is an unending adventure at the edge of uncertainty.” ~Jacob Bronowski
hehehe… yeah, I was on an alliterative roll there, huh? Well, honestly, it’s fitting, since recently Savannah’s become so much more phonemically aware, and is all about isolating beginning-sounds of things she sees, peoples’ names, or pointing out rhyming words to me, and what such and such “sounds like”. From experience, I know this means that exciting times are ahead; the girl is on the cusp of learning how to read!! …yet, we’re taking our time, enjoying the journey; for one thing I’ve learned is there’s no need for haste, and I don’t want to *rush* her…
Right now we’re formally working on her learning a letter per week (we’re on “D”), pulling from this free Letter of the Week Pre-school curriculum, which is being reinforced by her weekly story-time and preschool classes at our homeschool co-op and local public library, which are also going through the alphabet with storybooks and a letter-related crafts and games each week. I’ve been in the habit of reading to her for one-two hours just about every day for years now, and she’s now beginning to really enjoy *reading* her favorite books to me (she has many of them memorized from my reading them to her over, and over, and over, and over again).
It’s funny (and interesting) to me how she’ll go through favorites; wanting to hear the same one, two or three book(s) read to her over and over again every day for two/three weeks at a time… and we have a LOT of wonderful books around here that we’ve collected over the years, not to mention the ones we choose from our library-visits each week!
Mothers owe ‘a thinking love’ to their Children. — “The mother is qualified,” says Pestalozzi, “and qualified by the Creator Himself, to become the principal agent in the development of her child; …and what is demanded of her is– a thinking love…. God has given to thy child all the faculties of our nature, but the grand point remains undecided– how shall this heart, this head, these hands, be employed? to whose service shall they be dedicated? A question the answer to which involves a futurity of happiness of misery to a life so dear to thee. Maternal love is the first agent in education.“
We are waking up to our duties, and in proportion as mothers become more highly educated and efficient, they will doubtless feel the more strongly that the education of their children during the first six year of life is an undertaking hardly to be entrusted to any hands but their own. And they will take it up as their profession– that is, with the diligence, regularity, and punctuality which men bestow on their professional labours.
~ Home Education, Part 1; Some Preliminary Considerations, by Charlotte M. Mason
“Sometimes a teaching parent feels guilty when home school seems informal and related to regular family activities. If this happens to you, remember that such informal teaching is a powerful kind of teaching. You and your child need not sit down and play Classroom in order to accomplish good teaching and learning.”
Dr. Ruth Beechick, Language and Thinking for Young Children
Pre-School Ideas, Activities & Resources we’ll be drawing from this year to meaningfully engage Savi Avi (4yo):
I’m currently re-reading through Ruth Beechick’s Language and Thinking Skills for Young Children, which is already serving as a practical resource for me, offering inspiration and meaningfully fresh teaching/learning ideas to draw from, that I may capitalize on providing informal lessons via those unforeseen, unplanned *teachable moments* that naturally present themselves in each day.
”I meet teaching parents all around the country and find them to be intelligent, enthusiastic, creative people doing a marvelous job of teaching their children. But, sad to say, most of them do not know what a great job they are doing. Everyone thinks it goes smoothly in everyone else’s house and theirs is the only place that has problems. I’ll let you in on a secret about teaching: there is no place in the world where it rolls along smoothly without problems. Only in articles and books can that happen.” – Dr. Ruth Beechick, You Can Teach Your Child Successfully
More On-hand Pre-school Resources I’ll be referring to & using:
For the Children’s Sake: Foundations for Education for Home and Schoolby Susan Schaeffer Macaulay I’m currently re-reading this gem as well (it’s been eight-nine years since I first read it?!), which was one of the FIRST homeschooling how-to book I read, and still a favorite I recommend to all newbies. It’s a book that may absolutely change the way you think about education.
Comprehensive Curriculum of Basic Skills, Grade PK Picked up a brand new copy of this consumable workbook at a thrift shop for under $1; great for when she wants to “do school, like Bubby and Sissy!” I think she breezed through about 20+ pages the other day of handwriting practice! lol
Mudpies to Magnets: A Preschool Science Curriculum (something I already have here at home, picked it up at a thrift store over the years, and has some really neat looking activities we’ll be tackling together).
How does one keep the pre-school aged child occupied with quality activities while teaching other children? They can really disrupt the lessons and yet our heart goes out to them. We, as mothers want to give them the time and instruction they need. It can be a real juggling act and takes some planning and praying. Or maybe you are a first-time mother and have an only child and need some ideas for your curious pre-schooler. Hopefully, you will find some ideas here. I caution you, however, not to be very ‘bookish’ with them…
This year Nathanael and Tabitha will each be doing much of their studying independently; not only with their math and science, etc., but also for their history and literature reads. Nathan will be reading the Ancients, while Tabitha will be diving head-long into Medieval history and literature; reading selections from Ambleside Online’s Year 7 Lite, along with a few tweaks and some books from our own library. Actually, this will probably be easier than them both studying the same era and trying to share so many of their books.
I’m looking forward to their being fairly independent in most of their studies now (besides the read-alouds we’re sharing). Tab’s been so interested in the Middle Ages for the last year+ that I’ve decided, as challenging as it is, with some help from me she’ll probably be able to handle most of the reads from Y7. I’ve already been reading through Tennyson’s Idylls of the King and am really loving it! She’s certainly excited about having a structured plan for “studying the Medieval times!”, and of all the books we have planned, she’s most excited to read Ivanhoe.
Also, a local friend has lent us her copy of Mystery of History, Vol. II, which correlates perfectly with AO’s Year 7 (and begins with some Early Church history too!), and thus we’ll be reading through it as well. Tab was specifically wanting “activities and projects to do”, which this resource will offer, so that’s been a timely blessing.
The Gospels via The Life of Jesus: “All the stories, teachings, miracles and healings woven together into one comprehensive life story. This then, is the life of Jesus.”
The Birth of Britain by Winston Churchill (volume 1 of Churchill’s History of the English Speaking Peoples- which we already own, and *I* may try and find the time to read, but Tabitha has chosen to read An Island Story instead (since it’s been a few years now since she listened to an audio of the first half); I’m sure she’ll enjoy it much more. I may give her narrations from Churchill’s history. [Dates and Websites for further information for each chapter of AIS found here]
** In Freedom’s Cause by G.A. Henty (Athough this is a work of fiction, it is a more accurate account of William Wallace and Robert the Bruce in Scottish history than is available in many other similar books.)
Trial and Triumph by Hannula (Early Church and Middle Ages; 18 biographies only, which amounts to 1 story every 2 wks.)
Biographies
The Life of King Alfred by Asser, selected passages (online here or download here; copy and paste entire contents of file to your Word Processor to print) (starts in week 3)
(Personal Recollections of) Joan of Arc by Mark Twain (online here) audio at Librivox.org
along with Joan of Arc by Diane Stanley (beautifully illustrated!)
Geography
* ** The Brendan Voyage by Tim Severin (there is a documentary about this journey)
*** How the Heather Looks by Joan Bodger
Map Drills
Ten minutes of map drills each week (use maps in MOH book), locating places from the week’s reading on a map.
Websites useful for mapwork activities (and a great big thanks to Wendy Fish for her gargantuan task of sifting through mapsites to find these!): Mapwork for Roman Britain and Ireland. Northern Gaul outline maps also available.
For those who would like a way to find modern town names.
An overall quiz on Medieval locations. Europe as it was in the timeframe covered in Year 7 studies.
The most straightforward outline maps of modern world.
Some easy-to-read maps of Europe in the Year 7 timeframe. Blank outline map of Late Medieval Europe.
An extra note: Will and Ariel Durant’s history series volume for this time period contains excellent maps inside the covers that portray the geographical locations pertaining to Year 7 studies.
Government and Economics
Are You Liberal? Conservative? or Confused? by Richard Maybury (Dad will continue reading this aloud to Tab and Nathan.)
Keep up with daily news (resource options here) and keep a calendar of events
Worldview
Starting Points Syllabus: World View Primer by David Quine (Nathan, Tabitha & I are going through this together, with included literature; spreading it out over this year and next; longer if/ as necessary.)
Essays and Research papers to correlate with history readings and to be assigned during the terms.
Easy Grammar Plus (finish) and then begin Grammar Made Easy by Connie Schenkelberg (has diagramming)
WriteShop (continue writing lessons) We started this program last year, and had to put away as we got busy packing, moving and resettling. Would you believe that Tabitha- my writer- has since mentioned it a few times, and is now practically begging me to get started on it with her again (it’s fairly teacher-intensive)! Gotta love it!
Together: Hebrew with various resources I’ll add later.
Health
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made by Paul Brand (I’m reading this aloud to her and Nathan together.)
Life and Work Skills
Work on useful skills such as budgeting, gardening, cooking, car maintenance, carpentry, etc.
FREE READING
Sir Gawaine and the Green Knight (JRR Tolkien’s version- because we have it, and I’ve heard it’s the best!) The Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkein (The Hobbit, The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, and The Return of the King) – she’s already read all of these. A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court by Mark Twain When the Tripods Came; The White Mountains; City of Gold and Lead; and Pool of Fire by John Christopher Legends of Charlemagne by Thomas Bulfinch (also here) The Pushcart War by Jean Merrill The Knight’s Fee by Rosemary Sutcliff The Gammage Cup by Carol Kendall Rolf and The Viking Bow The Lost Prince by Frances Hodgson Burnett The White Company by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (its prequel is Sir Nigel) David Copperfield by Charles Dickens The Black Arrow by Robert Louis Stevenson Hereward, the Last of the English by Charles Kingsley (or Hereward the Wake, originally published in Robin Hood and Other Outlaw Tales)
Other Possibilities: These are books that Miss Mason used, or that we think would be good- but we’ve not read them, so can’t recommend them. We list them here so that those who are interested might preview them if desired and pass on a review for the rest of us: The Story of the Volsungs (Volsunga Saga), With Excerpts from the Poetic Edda, translated by William Morris or Eirikr Magnusson. The Talisman by Sir Walter Scott or other of the Waverly novels appropriate for this year’s study. (All the novels written by Sir Walter Scott are commonly referred to en masse as The Waverley Novels. While not a series, these books all share the common distinction of superbly written historical fiction — in fact, it is said that Scott created this literary genre with these novels. Charlotte Mason read from the Bible and the Waverley novels daily through much of her lifetime; whenever she finished reading through all 27 volumes, she simply started over. We assume any of them would be good for free reading anytime, but have not yet read them all ourselves. You can read more here and here. Further links or information always welcome.) Penrod and Sam by Booth Tarkington Alhambra by Washington Irving Feats on the Fiord by Harriet Martineau The Life and Death of Cormac the Skald anonymous Icelandic epic, also online here.
Wow, this year things just sort of came together in the planning department.
Up until a few weeks ago, I figured we’d simply be continuing with our study of American history/literature, picking up right where we left off before our move here to MO back in July. However, that is not the case after all… I’d been praying (over direction for this year AND the rest of Nathan’s highschool years especially); wondering over what direction we should take with our literary/historical studies this year, and upon talking it over with the kids (again), it’s finally settled. We’ll come back to American history/literature & government later. Right now, we’re going waaay back to the ancients again. I have drafted a plan, and shall thus for the next year+ be immersed in:
Ancient & Medieval History with Ancient World Literature & early British/Medieval Literature
I was initially planning on our finishing Sonlight’s Core 100/HEO Year 9 program (American history in depth-which we began last year) with N and T this year, but Tabitha’s been so into Nordic and Medieval history and literature lately that when I mentioned the option of learning along those lines instead, she lit right up. Nathan also likes the idea of starting back at the beginning and covering the Ancients more in depth this go around (which will be his final chronological history run-through in our homeschool).
We’ll be pulling heavily from Ambleside Online’s selections (as usual), since I’ve already collected lots of these books (and they’re top notch!). I’m sure they’ll both be loving most of Ambleside Online’s selections for studying the Ancients and Middle Ages. Nathan and Tabitha both totally agreed that this is a great plan… and they like the idea of each of them doing their own independent studies, which they’ll be doing for the most part this year.
Tabitha will be studying Medieval History (her favorite), using Ambleside Online’s Year 7 books and schedule, while Nathan will be studying the Ancients (his favorite) using Beautiful Feet’s Ancient History Senior High package (a few of its selections he’s already read though, and we’ll thus substitute with other titles), to which we’ll be adding some books from our own home library (especially in the Bible/Hebraic study realm), along with a few more literature selections as well from AO’s (unofficial) Y12 – for some meatier reading. For instance, since Nathan relishes ancient history and literature, we’re substituting BF’s scheduled reading of The Children’s Homer with the unabridged works by Homer of The Iliad and The Odyssey (on his own time and of his own interest, Nate’s already read several abridged versions- so he’s interested in reading the original works). Yes, I’m planning/hoping to read through as much of their history and literature selections with them this year as I can manage (as in depending upon how our 4yo cooperates!), so that I can more mindfully share and discuss the wonderful lessons found therein with them.
“novels raise questions we cannot ignore or answer, the sort of questions that possess a wisdom apart from answers.”
~ David Hicks, Norms and Nobility: A Treatise on Education
I’ll share Nathan’s (15/16 yo this year) independent study plans here and will share Tabitha’s plan later in another post… Keep in mind that this is *the plan*; however, what all he/we actually end up accomplishing remains to be seen, naturally. I’ve learned to hold these schedules with open hands, as life inevitably happens and sometimes things just take longer than we’d planned. Nathan does really enjoy reading though, especially when it comes to ancient history and literature.
Nathan’s 2011-12 Independent Studies: {Ancients}
A Book by Book Breakdown
BIBLE/THEOLOGY
Book of Job, with Matthew Henry’s Commentary (reference)
I must say that one of the big draws for my choosing to use BF’s Ancients guide this year was that we already owned so many of the books included in the Ancient History Senior High package. With these sitting around waiting to be read, I just couldn’t help myself; HAD to buy that guide, along with the few books we didn’t already own (but are now glad to!). This guide will be so helpful in pulling all of his readings together (and including plenty of geography, composition assignments, etc.), and with its day-by-day lesson directives, Nathan will be able to go it alone as needed.
Starting Points Syllabus: World View Primer by David Quine (Nathan, Tabitha & I are going through this together, with included literature; spreading it out over this year and next as necessary.)
Short Stories: These are the ones selected for AO’s Year 12 (as he has time and/or interest- I found that quite a few of these are available as free audio downloads on Librivox.org):
Include selections from Shakespeare, the Bible (continue copywork of the Book of Genesis), poetry and other sources. These selections may be the same ones used for recitation. Begin a personal quote book.
Also, do dictation regularly as part of composition course.
It’s been a crazy last couple of weeks… thus the delay in my sharing our homeschool plans for the upcoming year (as I’d promised in previous post). As seems to have been the case every time I’ve planned it all out, once again life’s happened and set me on a path very different than what I’d foreseen only weeks before. Adonai’s unavoidable interruptions; yet trusting in Him, and His plan for my/our lives, I wouldn’t change a thing.
I’d planned for us to be starting back in earnest at our homeschoolish study rhythms, routines and such week before last. Then on the evening of Friday, September 9th I got a shocking call(s) from my brother, my cousin and my sister; all calling to tell me that my Mom, who had called an ambulance and checked herself into the hospital earlier that week, had just been admitted into Biloxi Regional’s ICU (due to her fever’s being so high and not coming down). Yeah, and then I heard that she was being taken to have an MRI done; MRI- related to a fever?! *not good* is all I could think. And so I waited by the phone for results of the test; more news as to how she was. I began to pray even as the creeping realization of what I’d just been told began to take its toll on my heart, and the tears began to flow.
…and flow they did; tears that soon turned into sobs of mingled regret, hope and general heartache as the days marched by. On Saturday, September 10, the calls continued. Something I shall never forget was that Chris was there with me, and the kids… You see, just over a month ago, his schedule at work had changed (due to Union regulations), requiring that he work on Saturdays (until he gets a promotion, that is, which we’re all praying and waiting with baited breath for), so for the previous four Saturdays, and ever since that Saturday, he’s been away at work all day… but THAT Saturday, when I needed him most and cannot imagine his not being there, as I wrestled with the harrowing news that my Mom was now in a coma, and being transferred from Biloxi Regional to the Neurological ICU of West Jefferson Medical Center, where there is a facility and neurosurgeons capable of performing the surgeries she’d be needing, Chris was able to be there- thank YOU, Abba! Miraculously (and a grounding reminder to me that Adonai was in this, from the beginning, never caught by surprise), a guy that Chris works with had just asked him to switch days with him on the Thursday before, which gave Chris that one Saturday to be off work, at home- with me/us. This was also an encouragement on another level as well- in regards to Chris’s having to work Saturdays now; like a Providential nod of recognition as we continue to petition the LORD and wait for his intervention; that Chris might be off to spend the Sabbaths with us again soon, but I digress…
All day Saturday the tears flowed, as the calls continued, including a call reporting that my Mom’s Dad, my beloved Papaw- whom Mom had been helping to care for and had just been admitted to the VA’s hospice the week before- had just passed away. Wow. That was a crazily overwhelming day. Saturday evening I waited anxiously by the phone as I heard that Mom would be undergoing an emergency surgery, where the doctor would be removing the back portion of her skull to scrape two big puss pockets pff the back of her brain. Her brain was massively swollen and by now she’d suffered a stroke from the infection and pressure on her brain, which had rendered the entire left side of her body non-responsive. The neurosurgeon warned us that it was a delicate procedure, and with all the trauma her brain had already been through from the infection alone, she might not make it through. After hours of prayerful tossing and turning, I received the call at 1:30 a.m. from my brother, Daniel, who was there by her side. She’d made it through and was on massive antibiotics to hopefully fight off the remaining infection… samples of it were sent to a lab for testing; hoping it wasn’t MRSA.
Sunday morning a CT scan showed that the infection the docs had just removed in part had within hours traveled along a vein in her brain back to the front and formed more puss pockets that needed to be removed immediately- as they were putting life-threatening pressure on the front of her brain and blocking blood-flow and meds. Another surgery would be necessary to remove the new puss-pocket growth(s), which meant removing the front half of her skull. Wow. Was this really happening?! I started packing.
By Monday morning I was driving the 12 hour trek down to the Gulf Coast, on my way to be by my Mom’s side; hoping only that I might be with her, touch her, talk to her, and look into her eyes again.
In the last two weeks I’ve managed to keep a brief journal of her progress in an ongoing note, which I’ve been sharing to my facebook page for the last two weeks; keeping so many precious friends and family (and prayer warriors!) updated.
Here’s those updates, in reverse order, so scroll down and look for the dates to start at the beginning of this journey. Your continued prayers are appreciated.
9/24/11 update}
WHOA, I’ve just heard some amazing news this morning from my cousin Carol Ann that I know you’ll all be so excited to hear! Carol Ann’s mom is my Mom’s sister, and is there visiting with Kathy/Mom right now this morning, as I type. I just HAVE TO SHARE this with all of you!! Recent text I received from Carol Ann @11:18 a.m.:
I just heard aunt Kathy was sitting up in a chair reading when mom got there this morning.
Isn’t this AMAZING NEWS?!?!?! Oh, HalleluYah!!
YES< this is Uh-MAZING!! Two weeks ago today she was in a coma; being rushed into having two emergency brain surgeries; with the resulting prognosis grim, esp. as she started having grand mal seizures over the next two days, and thus had to stay heavily sedated…
“O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.“>> keeps reverberating through my soul and mind this morning, so I-of course- had to look it up and am singing it now!!
Though I haven’t written an update here in the last few days,my sister Alicia’s been sharing some over at the site she created for that purpose, as she’s been there with Mom since I left this last week: Caring Bridge Journal for Kathy
*NOTE TO MOM* (left in her Guestbook @Caring Bridge site)
Saturday, September 24, 2011 1:08 PM
MOM, I’m so excited to hear the news this morning from Aunt Ann- that you were sitting up in a chair when she arrived to visit you- and reading even?!?!?
Yep, it’s looking like I’ll be able to call you again, soon (Oh, how I’ve wanted to and even thought to in the last couple of weeks since this has happened, and how my heart’s broken that I could not)! *happy dance*
…and I’m going to get to share a cuppa coffee with you again, while listening to you talk, talk, talk… I bet it’s been torture that you cannot right now, huh?
…and I get to just hug your neck, and dance with you again!
LOVE YOU< Momma!
O giving thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
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1 O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
2 O give thanks unto the God of gods: for his mercy endureth for ever.
3 O give thanks to the Lord of lords: for his mercy endureth for ever.
4 To him who alone doeth great wonders: for his mercy endureth for ever.
5 To him that by wisdom made the heavens: for his mercy endureth for ever.
6 To him that stretched out the earth above the waters: for his mercy endureth for ever.
7 To him that made great lights: for his mercy endureth for ever:
8 The sun to rule by day: for his mercy endureth for ever:
9 The moon and stars to rule by night: for his mercy endureth for ever.
10 To him that smote Egypt in their firstborn: for his mercy endureth for ever:
11 And brought out Israel from among them: for his mercy endureth for ever:
12 With a strong hand, and with a stretched out arm: for his mercy endureth for ever.
13 To him which divided the Red sea into parts: for his mercy endureth for ever:
14 And made Israel to pass through the midst of it: for his mercy endureth for ever:
15 But overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red sea: for his mercy endureth for ever.
16 To him which led his people through the wilderness: for his mercy endureth for ever.
17 To him which smote great kings: for his mercy endureth for ever:
18 And slew famous kings: for his mercy endureth for ever:
19 Sihon king of the Amorites: for his mercy endureth for ever:
20 And Og the king of Bashan: for his mercy endureth for ever:
21 And gave their land for an heritage: for his mercy endureth for ever:
22 Even an heritage unto Israel his servant: for his mercy endureth for ever.
23 Who remembered us in our low estate: for his mercy endureth for ever:
24 And hath redeemed us from our enemies: for his mercy endureth for ever.
25 Who giveth food to all flesh: for his mercy endureth for ever.
26 O give thanks unto the God of heaven: for his mercy endureth for ever.
9/21/11 update}
Oh, I am just so excited to hear and report that Mom is progressing beautifully in her recovery! Again today, she doesn’t remember yesterday, but she continues to know who she is, who we are and where she is now. I thought to call her again too… with her presence being such an integral part of my life’s very fabric- from its inception, is it any wonder that my brain still has yet to process or integrate the gravity of her situation into my own daily thoughts? How sorely I am missing her! *sighing sadness* What a renewed perspective this whole abrupt illness has brought me though, already… It’s now been almost two weeks (two days shy of) since Mary Katherine >my mother< was first admitted to ICU.
Yesterday and today she’s been sitting up, is trying to write and speak more, lifting her knees up, and ever so slowly continuing in her general recovery. The doctor did remind Alicia today that with a neurological case like this, things can totally change from day to day- with the brain being so very complex and hers still being sick; as in she could totally regress any moment, and “we only have today” (he’s trained to give these disclaimers too, I’m sure, so we’re not all hanging every hope on him- which obviously *we* are not- our hope is in the LORD!)… which isn’t pleasant to hear, but at the same time is merely (to me) a stark reminder of that same reality that any one of us should be living with every single day= we only have today, really…
My sister, Alicia, who’s taking some paid-leave time from her work and is now keeping watch over Mom has created a place to continue sharing updates regarding Mom’s healing with all of us. She’s copied and pasted my own notes up till now over there as well>> CaringBridge website for Momma here :http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kathymarymcnatt
*NOTE TO MOM* (left in her Guestbook @Caring Bridge site)
*****************************************
Wednesday, September 21, 2011 9:23 PM
Hey Mom! Oh, I am just so excited to hear Alicia’s reports these last couple of days- that you are progressing beautifully in your recovery!
I am so thankful that I was able to spend last week with you; what a precious time of prayer, speaking love and hope into your soul as I poured out my heart to you, and read to you… all the while cherishing the hope that you could just hear me, even if only for a moment; wondering if you’d wake up and see me, acknowledge me. Hoping for many more years of being with you. Thrilling over the precious, fragile gift of numbered days- life with you- when you did wake up!!
So many, MANY precious friends and family are praying for you. How I hated to leave you when I had to drive back here to MO, but I’m comforted to know that Alicia is staying there by your side now… I am continuing to pray for you throughout the day(s). I love you, my Mumsy! You are so strong, and I am so very proud of you!! xoxoxo
I thought to call you again today… with your presence having been such an integral part of my life’s very fabric- from its inception, is it any wonder that my brain still has yet to process or integrate the gravity of your situation into my own daily thoughts? What a renewed perspective this has brought me though, already… and I’m clinging tightly to His promise that: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8.28 >>> a mystery I do not understand, but am beginning to see, as I’m learning to trust our Father deeper and farther.
Thank you for being you. How I do pray that I can one day simply sit and enjoy a cuppa coffee with you again: and SO glad that I got to share those last 20 minutes with you over coffee as I was headed home back in July. Thank you. I love you… forever, and always.
Yesterday I spent 11 hours driving back home to MO from MS. It was so hard to leave Mom and the rest of my family there behind, but also so good to be back here with Chris and our kiddos, whom I’d missed so much! Twice in the last few days the thought has crossed my mind of wanting to call Mom, and in the same millisecond I remember that I cannot just call her… which breaks my heart.
As I was driving yesterday, I called ICU to check on her, and she was continuing to do well. This morning Alicia called me from her bedside to give me a wonderfully exciting report (Alicia is going to be spending this entire week there with her, and possibly longer)! Mom is waking up more, and definitely with us: cognizance-wise! She’s doing so well and progressing so fast, all things considered.
She’s reaching up and touching Alicia’s face. She’s also trying so very hard talk, but cannot due to the trach tube she has hindering her speech. Alicia says that they’re planning on doing some sort of procedure to help her speak with her voice over it. Today she asked for paper and insisted on trying to write something: she’s wanting to talk so badly to Alicia, but just couldn’t manage the writing with her fingers- which are still pretty stiff for her. She did tell Alicia that she can see better today (Alicia was asking the right questions- and her responses are “yes”, “no” or she shrugs her shoulders. She says she’s beginning to be able to make out facial features somewhat too, where as everything was totally blurry to her a couple of days ago.
Right now I’m at the library with the kiddos, writing this update, but am excited to report that Chris bought a Verizon usb phone card thingy while I was gone, and is planning to have it activated today. Thus, we’ll have high(ish)-speed internet AT OUR HOUSE VERY SOON, hopefully by tonight!!! Yay! So, as Alicia updates me, I’ll be able to continue to post the latest here for you all.
Keep praying- God is listening and working creative miracles in Mom, I just know it!! I mean, just the fact that she’s gradually regaining movement and responding with her entire body is huge! Remember, the doc had said that she was likely paralyzed on her entire left side due to the stroke, since she was totally non-responsive to pain on that side, but NOW: it’s working as well as her right!
Prayer Request for now: Mom is answering LONG-TERM MEMORY diagnostic-type questions that we’ve all been asking her correctly with ease, even mouthed/whispered her birth date when asked. Also, she’s recognizing everyone’s voice and contextually understanding/ responding to questions and comments about her life in general now, like knowing that Jason’s living with her (and keeps brought up that she wants us to check on him), etc., stuff like that. Mom is now able to reach up to her face, but as annoying as it is, is being careful not to mess with her trach. The nurses have given her a call button too, which stays right under her hand. It’s very obvious to everyone interacting with her now that she is totally cognitive and aware of where she is and what’s going on, which means she’s cooperating beautifully with her caregivers. However, she’s not remembering things that happened the day before from one day to the next; very short-term memory type stuff… which is totally to be expected under the circumstances, I’m sure. Her brain is still recovering from so very much AND still fighting off this infection, which the doctor says will continue to affect her so long as it’s still on her brain. For instance, she totally knew me, responded to me and was aware of my being there while I was there; however, now she doesn’t remember that I was there… Yet< I know that every moment we spent together was so necessary and good for those days, a part of where she is today even.
Keep praying, dear ones! You are all such a blessing!
Also fyi for anyone wondering, Alicia has already volunteered to have Mama live with her once they allow her to *go home* (which won’t be for quite some time), if she needs any type of long-term care. Isn’t that wonderful to know? It’s all going to work out fine, I think.
9/18/11 update}
First the disclaimer: my wee brain is so utterly exhausted and overwhelmed right no that I have no idea how rambling-random this last update might be… last one from my actually being there with her anyways, though I’ll continue to keep you all posted as I hear from everyone else who continues to visit Mom, and also from the nurses’ reports as/when I call them to check on her (as I did tonight). Now that I’m going home tomorrow, Alicia is taking another week off from work to be there with Mom during this upcoming week.
This morning Alicia and I woke up early and went to visit Mom at 7:00 a.m. (when Mom would normally wake up in her usual daily routines). She was very responsive again. I was glad to see that the nurses had brought a box fan in for her, since last night when we were *tucking her in* and I’d asked if she wanted the sheets over her she nodded “no” and when I asked her if she was too warm, she nodded “yes”… they’re being so very considerate and kind towards her. She kept lifting her shoulders during our visit, and her hands too. When I asked her if she’d like some coffee, she nodded “yes”. Being there so early, we caught the doctor as he was making his morning rounds. He did say that she is/was doing even better today. He also said that she’s malnourished, especially needing protein, but that they’re working on that with her liquid feedings, but that might be impeding her physical recovery somewhat (yet she’s still doing so good!), so pray regarding that. Her brain is still swollen, with infection, but her fever was down from 100.5 to 99. Also, they’ve been able to take her off the blood pressure medicine now as well, and she’s holding her own in the 90′s. Yay!
After showing off for the doctor with squeezing of hands, moving her thumb, toes and opening her eyes, she was worn plum out and fell fast asleep again, so Alicia and I went back to the Care house to have breakfast. Daniel and Brittany drove over to New Orleans to meet me for the normal 10 a.m. morning visit with Mom while Alicia watched little baby Lincoln for them, since he certainly doesn’t need to be in an ICU. Mom woke up for us again (though not as much, since they’d just given her a pain med- she’d said her head was hurting). The highlight of our visit this morning was that when Daniel excitedly told Mom that we were going to be making biscuits-from-scratch and tomato gravy for dinner tonight (nostalgia-inducing family favorite comfort food for as long as I can remember!), she busted out with this big ‘ol wide-open mouth grin! lol Yes, she was laughing with us, though no sound came out. We were all down-right giddy!
After this morning’s visit with Mom, I drove over here to spend the afternoon and evening with Grandma, Daniel, Brittany, Jason and my precious little nephew, Lincoln. Oh, also, I just called the ICU a couple of hours ago, just after 8 p.m. and spoke with her nurse, who says that she’s continuing to do marvelously well: she’s lifting both of her arms up, inches off the bed (on her own, trying to get up, without their even asking her to), and that she’s keeping her eyes open longer now, looking around more, and is mouthing words to them!! She’s complaining that she’s hot. Love her.
It’s been a long week, one that I shall never forget; harrowing, deepening, enriching, healing and even edifying on so many levels… I am returning to MO with a heavy, yet full to overflowing heart. So. Thankful. for my family… Holding each precious one that the Lord has blessed me with ever so much closer, for an eternal moment longer.
Your prayers are priceless… please keep them going up. Mom is not out of the woods yet.
Thank you, ever so much~
…and good night.
9/17/11 afternoon update}
Wow, what an exciting afternoon visit with Mama Alicia and I have had! As we spoke with her all this afternoon she’s been so very cognizant; responding with “yes” and “no” nods of her head to all of our questions. She squeezed my hand, moved her feet when asked, and understood everything we were saying… Alicia and I are eating dinner, and now getting ready to go and see her again- which will be our last visit for tonight.
It will be so very hard to leave her after our visit tomorrow morning… so hard, esp. now that she knows we’re here, and started crying this afternoon when I told her I have to leave tomorrow. *sad sighs*
9/17/11 a.m. update}
At 9:04 this morning I received a call from Mom’s nurse telling me that she had good news regarding Mom, so Alicia and I got dressed really quick and headed over to see her an hour before official visiting time began at 10 a.m. Mom was OPENING HER EYES!!! …and she’s been nodding her head in response to questions, first of which was when the nurse asked her if she’s in any pain and she nodded *No*, she’s NOT in any pain, which is good to hear. Besides Tylenol, they do NOT have her on any pain meds right now. With her having been on that sedative Proforol so long, they’re really wanting to avoid anything but Tylenol- which they’re giving her to keep her fever down- it’s been 100.4-100.5 since last night.
Mom’s color has brightened today, with her face being pink and much healthier looking that it has been… Alicia and I were very giddy to see her trying her best to open her eyes. It was like little flutter-openings, as if her eyelids were so heavy she could hardly even do that. We read Psalm 23 to her twice over… and then Alicia started singing some silly song to her, and I asked her if she wanted us to sing to her. She immediately nodded NO with her head! lol That gave us a good laugh> Just like Mama, who’s never been the really sentimental sort. Then I asked her if she wanted us to read Psalm 23 to her again, and she shook her head NO, again.
Two tears trickled down her cheeks, one from each eye simultaneously, which I had the distinct honor of wiping away… *tears* Alicia also watched the tears fall, and agrees that WE KNOW she was totally cognizant of our being there, and we think wishing she could talk to us, probably just sad too… She did try to speak a few times to answer, by opening her mouth and it seemed she was trying to find her voice and form words, but nothing would come… that’s when the tears fell.
It was obvious that she was hearing us too, as she was responding to each new voice as we called family and put them on speaker phone; while we knew she was hearing them. We called her Mom, Daniel, Michael, Aunt Ann and Jason who was on his way to visit her. When we put her Mom, Grandma, on the phone, she was really trying hard to speak, and it broke my heart to hear Grandma’s voice trembling so, as she encouraged Mom, “I love you Kathy… you hang in there and get better.”
Jason and Carol Ann arrived at 10:00 a.m. for her morning visit and came up to meet us in the ICU. What wonderful timing that Jason got to witness her responding to us, and saw her this way, rather than how she’s been this last week, which would have been much harder for him, I think…
It’s now almost 2 p.m.- time for her afternoon visit, so Alicia and I are heading out the door to see her again now. I’ll update again asap.
9/16/11 update}
Please forgive my lack of updates last night and today; I’d intended to write another update last night, but was just too tired. Once I got back here to my room from visiting Mom it was after 10 p.m. The nurses have been so cool- allowing me stay long past the end of visiting times, which has been a blessing, but has left me feeling very tired too. Then this morning I had just enough time to get up and call to check on my kiddos before getting ready for my morning visit with Mom… after which Alicia arrived with Mom’s sister, Ann and her daughter, Carol Ann; all come to see Mom for her afternoon visit-time, but we’ll come back to that in a moment.
Backing up: Yesterday Michael drove down here from Hattiesburg and met me to go to visit Mom in the afternoon. We had good timing too, since while there we ran into the surgeon who did Mom’s brain surgeries last Saturday and he spent awhile talking with us. Here’s the report.
After giving all of his disclaimers; reminding us of how Mom is still in critical condition and “she is very, very sick”, his words were that all things considered, he’s “very pleased with how she’s doing overall”, in that according to the EEG results> she’s NOT having mini-seizures in her brain that might not be otherwise apparent physically from the outside, but are apparently quite common after the type of surgeries Mom’s had, especially since she does still have infection on her brain. However, she is NOT having them- yay! Also, the lab results came back from the infection specimen the surgeon had scraped off her brain, and the bacteria is not MRSA- which is WONDERFUL news!! He said that this infection is just, simply from her sinus infection, and her immune system’s being soooooo down and vulnerable. Isn’t that CRAZY?!? So now the “infectious disease doctor” has her on one simple antibiotic to address the infection. Another good thing to report is that we can now hold Mom’s hands, massage her feet and just touch her again. Since they’ve confirmed that her infection is not anything contagious at this point, touching her is no more potentially dangerous than touching a child with a cold that you might be caring for: just wash your hands when you’re done, right?
Today: Today they took Mom off the sedative that’s kept her in paralysis so that she wouldn’t have those grand mal seizures. She’s on three different anti-seizure medications, so she’s doing fine and it was exciting today to see her making some facial expressions, moving her mouth some and definitely responding to “pain stimulus” they’re giving her to test her responses. Praise Report: She is totally responding on her left side now, foot and hand, where as last week her left side was totally non-responsive due to the stroke she’d had. That is huge, wouldn’t you say?!
Also, she had three procedures done today: had a trach for the ventilator put into her throat and a feeding tube put directly into her stomach for long-term care (both of which would eventually be removed), and she had another CT scan done as well, which we’ll hopefully find out results on tomorrow. The doctor did tell me yesterday though that at this point, “No news is good news”, which is exactly what I’ve been thinking/assuming on days when I’m not hearing anything *new*.
Something else fairly exciting that happened is that Mom is initiating breaths on her own. Her vent machine is set to breathe 10 breaths per minute, but she’s doing 25 per minute, which means that she’s doing most of the breathing work on her own- isn’t that terrific?! Yes, I think it is. I’m just praying that she’ll open her eyes- even if just once- before I leave!! That’s what I first saw in my mind’s eye when I first came here to see her and stood there in shock looking at her for the first time: her eyes popping open, and her seeing me there with her. Hoping…
Today was exhausting, terrible, maddening and beautiful all at the same time. It’s been wonderful to have company here, to visit with Mom together with Alicia this morning. We talked to her, played some music for her, prayed and cried together over her, called our Grandmother in OK and let her speak on speaker-phone to Mom, laughed some and shared memories. Healing atmosphere all around, for all of us, for sure. Here’s one of the songs we played for Mama (“Kisses of Your Mouth” from a favorite album of mine- Song of Solomon beautifully set to music): Oh, how the tears flowed from that one…
It was also nice to visit Mom with Aunt Ann, Carol Ann and Alicia later this afternoon. It was actually a pretty exciting time, since this is when the sedative was pretty nearly completely out of Mom’s system, and so she was having quite a bit of facial expression and movement/responses… Afterwards, we all went out to dinner at the most amazing restaurant and just had a great time. Mediterranean food=mmmmm-hmmmmmm… Zea’s – Wow. It was good to eat the first real meal I’ve had in days, and what a meal!
Tomorrow Carol Ann’s returning and bringing Jason with her to visit Mama. I’d better get some sleep, and look forward to seeing what tomorrow might have in store.
Missing my babies and Chris so very much… poor little Savannah was just absolutely distraught this evening and missing me so much that she was crying so pitifully on the phone, and didn’t want to let anyone else wash her hair, etc. “I want your Mom to hurry and get better so you can come home, Mommy….” she whimpered to me. *sighs* Oh, so do I, my love… so do I.
FYI, for those who might be curious, here’s a link to see the comfy little house the family and I have been staying in while here with Mom, and what a tremendous blessing it’s been! West Jefferson Care House for ICU patients’ family-members
9/15/11} a.m. update}
I slept better last night and was so thankful to wake up this morning with NO headache: HalleluYah! I’d had a migraine working on me ever since I left home in MO to drive down here on last Monday.
Visited Mom for the 10-11 a.m. visiting hour this morning and her nurse had nothing new to report specifically regarding her condition. She did tell me the EEG reading has not come back yet, and that her neurosurgeon (whom I’ve been told is the BEST in the country, possibly the world even?!), Dr. Culicchia, was in to see her yesterday evening and spent about 30 minutes discussing her condition/case with some other doctors he had there with him. She told me he’d commented that her Ph is up, which is good, but unexpected (they’d expected it would be down) and he’d asked for some tests to be run since he didn’t understand how that could be? The nurse said it sounded good. I really like this nurse that’s there with Mom during the day-times; she’s very sweet and helpful. We still haven’t heard anything back regarding Mom’s last CT scan either.
After chatting with her nurse a bit, I just sat with Mom and talked to her a bit; then read to her: Psalms 2-5, 51 and then two chapters from our book we started yesterday, The Baron’s Apprenticeship by George MacDonald.
I’m expecting my brother Michael to arrive here to visit Mom with me during the 2-3 p.m. visiting hour…
9/14/11} p.m. update}
It’s 9:42 p.m. and I just left from reading to Mom again, and gleaning all the info. I could from her nurse- which wasn’t much… Still just waiting and assuming no news is mostly probably a good thing right now? She’s stable, and the results from this morning’s EEG still not in. Also, found out that they DID do another CT scan yesterday at 5:30 after all, but the doctor hasn’t called to tell us of anything yet and the nurse said that he was hesitant to read me the results before the doc’s reviewed them with me first.
My brother Michael is driving down to go to visit Mom with me tomorrow. I’ll post more updates as I have any tomorrow.
9/14/11} a.m. update}
Sitting here; not knowing exactly where to start… just knowing I need to write, and also need to update all of our precious friends and family who are lifting Mama up in prayer. Thank you! I’ve decided to just continue to add updates to this “note” so they’re all in one place. I thought that today, I’ll briefly review the timeline of what’s happened and then we’ll just go from there, though since the next visiting time is at 2 p.m. I ‘ll have to continue when I get back.
Real quick before I leave though: As I was updating my own personal calendar and journal earlier today, it occurred to me that we ought to start a journal for Mom, where I/we can all record in one place, daily: our thoughts, prayers for her, the Scriptures we’ve read to and over her at the hospital, and anything else we might need to say to her: all in one place} for her to have and to read later, when she’s able… and for us: to have something tangible to do for her.
This morning my sister, Alicia, and Mom’s dear friend and prayer partner, Kathi Stout (who is also my brother, Michael’s, mother-in-law), met me here at the hospital’s “Care House” (where I’m staying- very nice little house with full kitchen, living area and three bedrooms, the other two of which are occupied by family members of two other ICU patients) and we walked over to see Mom together.
When we got there for the 10-11 a.m. visiting hour, the nurses were prepping to take her to have an EEG done, so they allowed us to come back at 11 a.m. instead, to get our hour visit in with her. So we did, and we had a wonderful time of prayer, bawling our eyes out, a few laughs, sharing with the nurses some about Mom, answering their curiosity as to what happened (they wanted to know the timeline and had some questions, and asked to see a picture of her- since she looks very different now- all bald and swollen), more about her family, etc.
She’s still on a high dosage of the sedative (forget its name) to keep in paralysis, so that she won’t have those grand mal seizures. When they tried to wean her off it yesterday, she started seizing, and then again had a smaller one this morning, but apparently did fine when they took her off it for the EEG (the results of which we’ll have to wait for the doctor to read). I was glad to find out from one of her nurses last night that she CAN still hear us while on this sedative- so that’s good…
No other real news/changes to speak of right now though, I guess, other than that… and we’re still waiting for the lab results on the infection specimen they cleaned off her brain. She’s still on life support.
Alicia read Psalm 27 to her; Kathi read Psalm 1 and James 1:1; I read Psalm 139. As a point of departure I thought that I/we could just commit to whomever of us is here reading a Psalm a day to her, starting with the first today, which Miss Kathi read to her this morning. The Spirit Himself was/is certainly with us and in that place with Mama… He blessed us all. I needed Kathi’s voice and assertiveness today: I just didn’t have it in me; her prayers were precious and anointed.
None of this hardly feels real to me yet… but will it ever, really? Even as I’m standing there looking at Mom; it’s hard to wrap my mind and heart around the gravity of it all. She can’t go; impossible! She’s always been here, and we need her… In a way, it’s like I’m realizing the extent to which I love her: on a whole new level} deeper and better than I thought; if that makes any sense? Life is fragile. Precious. CHERISH. EVERY. MOMENT. with our loved ones… every. day. That is what I’m doing here: just thankful to be able to speak to her, to be in the same room with her- to have the hope that she hears me. Hoping somehow she is knowing; that she’s comforted and maybe even inspired to be strong and fight to stay here with us.
Please feel free to tag yourself if you want to keep up with my updates on Mom. Thanks so much.
Psalm 139:
Psalm 1:
Psalm 27
Amplified Bible (AMP)
[A Psalm] of David.
1THE LORD is my Light and my Salvation–whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life–of whom shall I be afraid?
2When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.
3Though a host encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, [even then] in this will I be confident.
4One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty [the sweet attractiveness and the delightful loveliness] of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple.
5For in the day of trouble He will hide me in His shelter; in the secret place of His tent will He hide me; He will set me high upon a rock.
6And now shall my head be lifted up above my enemies round about me; in His tent I will offer sacrifices and shouting of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.
7Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; have mercy and be gracious to me and answer me!
8You have said, Seek My face [inquire for and require My presence as your vital need]. My heart says to You, Your face (Your presence), Lord, will I seek, inquire for, and require [of necessity and on the authority of Your Word].
9Hide not Your face from me; turn not Your servant away in anger, You Who have been my help! Cast me not off, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation!
10Although my father and my mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].
11Teach me Your way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain and even path because of my enemies [those who lie in wait for me].
12Give me not up to the will of my adversaries, for false witnesses have risen up against me; they breathe out cruelty and violence.
13[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!
14Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.
9/13/11}
Went to Papaw’s funeral today, Mom… it was a beautiful tribute to his honorable life. The saddest part of the day, to me; what kept hitting me hardest and causing more tears when I’d thought they were all cried out, was that you were not there. You, who have been so distraught over Papaw’s recent decline in health and so intent on caring for him in these last few weeks. I cried for and thought of you. Your Mama, Mamaw, is relieved he’s no longer suffering. She said, “He’s in a better place now.” I am praying for her now too. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for her; Papaw’s passing away and now your being so sick- all in the same week. Get better Mom, we need you.
I managed to get a good nap after the funeral; slept in my old bed at Mamaw’s house. Afterwards, I woke up to the comfort of her quiet home, where they’ve lived for the last 50+ years, where you grew up, where I grew up… and I drove back here to be beside you.
9/12/11}
Made the 12 hr. trip down here to the Coast today: drove straight here to the hosp in N.O., got here at 8:30pm and went to see Mom with Daniel. They were going to do another MRI today, but didn’t because she had a grand mal seizure as soon as they let up on her sedation, so then they were going to do a CT scan (quicker) once they got her stabilized, but then she had another seizure. Thus, they’ve upped her sedation for now (which is keeping her from seizing), and will try the test(s) again tomorrow to check on her brain…
Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. I’m going to write them all down in my journal for remembrance sake. It’s been a sad, sad few days, indeed. Just. UNREAL feeling. Tonight I’m staying here at the family-care house the hospital’s provided for Mom’s family, and then will go to Papaw’s funeral in the morning, probably have lunch with Grandma/family there in Biloxi and then head back over here in the afternoon to be with Mom…
Due to her blood test results showing that she’s septic, we cannot have contact with her, so that’s sad. Standing there, talking to her: I just wanted to hold her hand… I brought a couple books to read to her.
I am so tired now… going to take a shower, and hopefully get some sleep. I sure haven’t been able to sleep well the last couple of nights though. Gotta get up and leave here early in the a.m.
YES, we’ve moved! …and I’m not talking virtual blog hosts this time, but REALLY moved. Again. Across the country, again… yeah, packed (what wasn’t still in storage- like half our stuff has been for the last two years?!), loaded and hauled all of our stuff along the way; me towing a loaded 10′ trailer behind our Suburban full of three kiddos and our Samson dog, interchangeably following Chris and my gps; with him driving the 20′ Penske truck: two loads, as in drive the two-day trip three times within a week! Once we arrived to our rental house here in MO and unloaded, Chris and Nathan actually had to then go back to PA for the second load of stuff from storage- uggh, NOT fun. We were all pretty exhausted. Suffice it to say; we do NOT want to do that/this again. *sighs* Thus, we are looking at houses, hoping to find the *right place* to buy, settle and call our own- here in the Midwest.
First off, let me just apologize up front for the lack of eye-candy in this here post- as in no pics of our new place/recent happenings for awhile. You see, my recent photos are residing on my iMac, which currently has no internet connection and uploading pics to the internet regularly would probably use up our broadband waaaaay too quickly anyways. *sighs*Thus, my words will just have to do, for now… but I promise to make it up to you later, so stick around. Aaaand, I have included a special bit of sweetness here in the post, if you make it to the end. Feel free to skip down past my random ramblings even to see (her), if you’d like.
Following is the beginnings of an update that I’d written last month- not too long after we arrived here in MO and saved as a doc on my laptop, since we haven’t had internet *gasp* for the last couple of months- at all- since we’ve arrived (besides what I’ve been able to manage on my cell phone with its feeble one bar’s worth of signal).
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8/6/11
Words… Devarim. Fitting title for today’s Torah Portion… It seems I’ve so much to say, yet as I sit here with a myriad of thoughts bottlenecking in my mind, the words escape me and I’m tempted to pull out my paints instead… Where to start when so much has happened and such a pile of transition has heaped upon me/us, unsorted and immense in its scope.
I do love our new place; this season that Adonai, my Elohim, has brought me to, here in MO. Who knows what it may hold for us? Last month, in July, we left PA; where we lived and were blessed beyond our expectation for the last year. We’re all hoping to settle down here now and stay awhile, as soon as we find a bit of earth to call our own. It feels as though we are at the cusp of immense potential, even as all of the challenging changes that go along with interstate moves (of which we know much- having had our share in the last 16+ years of our married journey) are upon us once again, and as of yet unfulfilled homesteading hopes (among others) have been set within our reach.
The skies are bigger here in wide-open Missouri… or it seems that way to me anyhow. A friend told me that it’s because the trees are shorter here (due to less precipitation in this area). It’s one of the first things I’ve noticed upon our arrival here; also the way the clouds in these skies seem fuller, closer and more interesting. Tabitha commented to me on the latter as well, just last week. She says that they’re puffier and she “can find more stuff in them”. I was glad to hear it; knowing it’s not just me noticing/in my head…
Then as Chris and I are driving around looking at potential house and properties, we’re noticing there’s these endlessly winding gravel roads, everywhere, leading to anywhere… remote:: rural. I love, love, LOVE it… well, mostly loving it>> besides the lack of high-speed internet accessibility, and not only here at the house we’re currently renting, but at most of the houses we’ve looked at to potentially buy. Yep, we’re living in the R U R A L Midwest; farmin’ country, bay-bee! Yet, even that more *virtually isolated* aspect of living here is growing on me, and can have its high points, as in we’ll all probably be reading a lot more books (and that’s saying something, since we were reading them before already!), and we’re finding ourselves just sitting around ((together)) in the evenings, talking and stuff more in our down-time >>MORE<< often, rather than disappearing to our own computers. With our kiddos growing up so fast these days, THIS re-discovery of more time to connect with each other, has been (and will continue to be- I’m certain of it) an answered prayer for me:: us. Father knows what’s best, and I do believe that He’s planting us here for a fruitful season, indeed. I’ve got the feeling that this may even be our best homeschool year yet! We’re certainly off to a great start…
As shall be the case with my blog-posts for awhile now, until we’re one day (hopefully!) reunited with high-speed internet at our abode, I’ll posting this from a WiFi date with my beloved hubby, or at the library, etc.
Embracing the adventure,
Beth
8/12/11
We are seriously considering getting a dial-up internet connection, just so I/we have a way to keep up with at least our emails at home. As it is, I’ve been able to tune into the major news headlines and facebook via my cell phone, but I cannot many of my emails on my phone, due to their size. And with our cell reception out here being so shoddy (usually have to dance around just to find ONE bar’s worth of reception), it usually takes F O R E V E R to load any pages/emails, etc. Not that dial-up would be much faster, but at least I could load them- eventually, right?! We. Will. Survive!
In some ways I can hardly wait to finally find and buy our own place, but in other ways, having owned and sold two homes together already, Chris and I are hesitant to get ourselves into such a long-term commitment again, and so our house-hunt has begun, with us trying to narrow our parameters/wish-list of what we’re looking for to a reasonable expectation, and yet determined NOT to jump into anything that isn’t JUST. RIGHT for us, due to our eagerness to settle and begin again at so many projects that have been put on hold in these last few transitional years.
This makes for tricky decisions when it comes to unpacking and decision-making for me as I’m trying to wisely determine what to unpack, how to sort, arrange, what to put back into storage (thankfully our storage is now a HUGE garage on our property; very accessible, which makes all the difference- having had stuff in off-site storage for two years now)… knowing that I must allow myself/us to settle (at least somewhat) here where we’ve landed- in this rental- so that we can all exhale and LIVE- yet at the same time, not wanting to go overboard unpacking everything and we end up finding a house and facing yet another (hopefully our FINAL!) move within a few months time?!
We’re thankful for the timely blessing of Chris’s having found this rental by the Lord’s undoubted leading- with our wonderfully helpful, considerate dairy-farming landlord(s), its rural and private situation; as we drive a couple of miles down a gravel road to reach it, where it’s adjoining the sprawling meadows and scattered woodlands of their massively sprawling dairy farm, with its breathtaking views and a month-to-month lease commitment; enabling us the freedom to look and potentially buy something as we’re able/desire to. However, lately with Chris’s working so much overtime (due to the recent storms we’ve had- with their MUCH needed rain, as the local farmers were bemoaning the recent drought here), and our not having high-speed internet to browse potential properties at our leisure, our house-hunting endeavors have been somewhat stunted. We have at least employed the help of a local realtor, so that’s a start…
I’m thinking (hoping!) that without the distractions of facebook, ever-present news/twitter updates, etc. I will be able to get more writing done this way; saving it all as Word docs to upload as I’m able at our weekly library/Wifi visits (found a wonderful little internet/coffee café in town, which is actually part of Lebanon’s beautiful library/museum. Nice!
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And there you have it… We decided against getting dial-up after all, since I made the mistake of reading their terms of service, and we decided that NO, we do NOT want them having the *right to upload software, etc.* from them and their affiliates, withOUT notifying us, etc., etc.-blahh-blah-blah- etc. Um, no. However, I’m thrilled to tell you that today I’m sitting here. at. HOME. with high(ish) speed internet via this handy-dandy, sleek little gem of technology from Verizon: a MiFi 2200 wireless modem which we got on loan to try out over the weekend, just to try it out and see if we’d get enough signal way out here in the sticks for it to work… and it does! GLORY. DAY!! So, yes, we’ll be getting one of these babies, fer sure! The only reason this is even an option though, is because we found out that if we buy the contraption on ebay, we can then just pay for 5GB of broadband/month on a monthly basis- as long as we need the service, rather than entering the standard 2-year contract. So, that’s good- and I’m thrilling over being *connected* again here from the comfort of my/our own home! Oh, the things we take for granted. Right?
Oh, so much to tell, but where to start?
I guess for now, I’ll go ahead and get a post ready to share regarding what the kids and I are up to lately; their recent interests, new co-op classes that just started last and next week (yes, in an effort to *get out* and meet some peeps, we’ve joined two different groups) and our plans for this new *school* year. All of that coming up next! Then- more retrospective updates, in which I’d like to begin by going way back to a few years ago, when we sold our house over in NE TN (Chris was out of work/had to sell/move for work) and share more of how we came by this way, along with so many miracles of our Elohim’s loving provision that we’ve witnessed along the way… since somehow I haven’t managed to blog much about it AS we were traveling THROUGH it the last few years.
Oh, and by the way… our beautiful BABY, Savannah Abigail (aka. Savi), turned 4 years old last month?!?!? When did this happen? Craziness!
Also, for those interested, our Tabitha plans to update her blog soon as well, so watch for it (and I’ll be sure to post it on our facebook page when she does): Stained Glass Writer.
Have you been wondering over what creatively constructive ways you might spend some of these long summer days with your children? Yet, at the same time thinking that it needs to really not feel like work, and certainly not work of the schoolish sort?!
Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time. ~John Lubbock
Well, I know ONE thing that we’ll certainly be doing this summer, along with lying in the grass and watching the clouds float by… we’ll be doing some serious critical/creative thinking brain exercises making ART!!
…which is actually more closely related to the above quote’s sentiment than you might think!
And all the kids and their mamas said *YAY!*{Savi (3.5yo) painting over her collage work}
{profile portrait of Tabitha, charcoal sketch by Beth Brewer}
As my own artistic vision has been renewed, and I’m once again eagerly perusing through old art books of mine from yester-years with interested kids, I’ve been reminded of what an invaluably worthy endeavor our artistic pursuits, which so easily get pushed to the back-burner, truly are; however, not only for the sake of the art created, but even more so, for what the process itself instills within the student.
“I believe that this training for precise perceptions is one of the great bonuses of learning to draw. One really does learn to see better through drawing, to see with greater precision and finer discrimination. I feel sure that you can extrapolate the importance of this to general thinking skills. We often describe creative intelligence as ‘the ability to see things clearly.’” ~ Dr. Betty Edwards, The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain
Nathan (15yo son), who doesn’t consider himself *artistic* by nature- as opposed to his sister’s naturally artsy inclinations, wasn’t as keen on this art class as us girls were… and I have thus been all the more thankful for the timeliness of our taking this art class together, and the new-found inspiration towards artist study that it’s further inspired in our home.
In fact, after facing the frustration of the first contour drawing lesson, Nathan wasn’t even the least bit too enthusiastic about it. at. all. However, as we’ve been reading through various artist bios and how-to books together, he’s since coming to appreciate the main reason I really wanted him to join us and give this course I’m designing a good, hearty effort (besides just to earn an elective credit for “Art” on his transcript)… realizing that it is about the process, and that there’s no such thing as *perfection* or *not doing it right*, just so long as we’re tuning into trying, , and learning to see better… allowing ourselves to enjoy these exercises that will help develop our whole brain, withOUT self-induced pressure to perform.
“Ultimately, the goal will be to develop both halves of the brain. Both modes are necessary for full human functioning and both are necessary for creative work of all kinds, whether writing or painting, developing a new theory in physics, or dealing with environmental problems.” ~ Dr. Betty Edwards, The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain
Besides working through the portraiture and painting workshop, along with some artist studies, I’ve also been reading through a wonderful book, sharing snippets with my high-schooler and middle-schooler, which I’d also like to highly recommend to all parents and teachers: The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Dr. Betty Edwards. Once we finish Jane’s workshop, I plan to continue our *art course* with the many interesting, and accessible exercises suggested in this book.
“The left hemisphere analyzes over time, whereas the right hemisphere synthesizes over space.” ~ Jerre Levy, “Psychobiological Implications of Bilateral Asymmetry,” 1974 {excerpted from The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain}.
We’ve been learning more about how the brain (both Left and Right sides) function, and thus, my kids are realizing that learning to *see* clearly, though initially for the drawings-sake is about more than just *learning how to draw*, or ending up with a pretty picture, though Nathan is now enjoying that aspect as well. It’s about the very process, and the way one’s brain is exercised in the exercises… Let me share just an excerpt of what we’ve been reading to better demonstrate what I mean,
My students report that learning to draw makes them feel more “artistic” and therefore more creative. One definition of a creative person is someone who can process in new ways information directly at hand- the ordinary sensory data available to all of us. A writer uses words, a musician notes, an artist visual perceptions, and all need some knowledge of the techniques of their crafts. But a creative individual intuitively sees possibilities for transforming ordinary data into a new creation, transcendent over the mere raw materials.
{Tabitha working on the underpainting for her first painted portrait, acrylics over collaged paper on canvas.}
Time and again, creative individuals have recognized the differences between the two processes of gathering data and transforming those data creatively. Neuroscience is now illuminating that dual process.I propose that getting to know both sides of your brain is an important step in liberating your creative potential (emphasis mine).
The Ah-ha! response
In the right-hemisphere mode of information processing, we use intuition and have leaps of insight–moments when “everything seems to fall into place” without figuring things out in a logical order. when this occurs, people often spontaneously exclaim, “I’ve got it” or Ah, yest, now I see the picture.” The classic example of this kind of exclamations is the exultant cry, “Eureka!” (I have found it!) attributed to Archimedes. According to the story, Archimedes experienced a flash of insight while bathing that enabled him to use the weight of displaced water to determine whether a certain crown was pure gold or alloyed with silver.
This, then, is the right-hemisphere mode: the intuitive, subjective, relational, holistic, time-free mode. This is also the disdained, weak, left-handed mode that in our culture has been generally ignored. For example, most of our educational system has been designed to cultivate the verbal, rational, on-time left hemisphere, while half of the brain of every student is virtually neglected.
Half a brain is better than none: A whole brain would be better
With their sequenced verbal and numerical classes, the schools you and I attended were not equipped to teach the right-hemisphere mode. The right hemisphere is not, after all, under very good verbal control. You can’t reason with it. You can’t get it to make logical propositions such as “This is good and that is bad, for a, b, and c reasons.” It is metaphorically left-handed, with all the ancient connotations of the characteristic… The right brain–the dreamer, the artificer, and the artist– is lost in our school system and goes largely untaught…
And so, there you have it; just a small nugget from this edifying treasure-trove of a read that’s about so much more than just drawing lessons, and has had me quite fascinated with the process itself these last couple of weeks. The process… our favorite part~
{Tabitha working on her first collaging project, which will be underneath a portrait painting (below), for added texture/interest.}
“These art lessons have helped me extremely with drawing facial proportions and are continuing to help me learn the value of lights and shadows. The workshop has been very fun, and I’ve especially loved how it’s encouraged my family and I to do more art together.”
~ Tabitha, age 12
{"Winter Song"; portrait painting still in process, acrylics over paper collage on 24x36" canvas, by Tabitha, age 12}
“This art course has been very helpful and informative. It has helped me improve my drawing skills and my mindset when it comes to art. So far, our readings and exercises from “The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain” have been very helpful on understanding how to get my mind focused and loose at the same time when it comes to drawing. It’s helped me to not over think the object(s) I’m drawing, but to really just look at them and let the right side of my brain SEE objects, without my left-brain-side TELLING me how it should look.
I’ve found it interesting to learn more about how the brain works. Drawing helps exercise the right side of the brain, which allows one to use it in other ways besides just drawing, such as creative problem solving and thinking.”
~ Nathan, age 15
{6 faces: proportions and value exercise, charcoal on paper by Nathanael, age 15}
As an expert on children’s art, Miriam Lindstrom of the San Francisco Art Museum, described the adolescent art student: “Discontented with his own accomplishments and extremely anxious to please others with his art, he tends to give up original creation and personal expression…. Further development of his visualizing powers and even his capacity for original thought and for relating himself through personal feelings to his environment may be blocked at this point. It is a crucial stage beyond which many adults have not advanced.” ~ Miriam Lindstrom, Children’s Art, 1957 {excerpted from The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain}.
{portrait of an Aztec warrior, charcoal on paper, by Nathan, age 15}
illustrated with 12-page color photo insert and line art throughout
A revised and expanded edition of the classic drawing-instruction book that has sold more than 2,500,000 copies.
When Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain was first published in 1979, it hit the New York Times bestseller list within two weeks and stayed there for more than a year. In 1989, when Dr. Betty Edwards revised the book, it went straight to the Times list again. Now Dr. Edwards celebrates the twentieth anniversary of her classic book with a second revised edition.
Over the last decade, Dr. Edwards has refined her material through teaching hundreds of workshops and seminars. Truly The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, this edition includes:
* the very latest developments in brain research;
* new material on using drawing techniques in the corporate world and in education;
* instruction on self-expression through drawing;
* an updated section on using color; and
* detailed information on using the five basic skills of drawing for problem solving.
Translated into thirteen languages, Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain is the world’s most widely used drawing-instruction guide. People from just about every walk of life–artists, students, corporate executives, architects, real estate agents, designers, engineers–have applied its revolutionary approach to problem solving. The Los Angeles Times said it best: Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain is “not only a book about drawing, it is a book about living. This brilliant approach to the teaching of drawing . . . should not be dismissed as a mere text. It emancipates.“
“The scribblings of any… child clearly indicate how thoroughly immersed he is in the sensation of moving his hand and crayon aimlessly over a surface, depositing a line in his path. There must be some quantity of magic in this alone.” ~ Edward Hill, The Language of Drawing, 1966.
{"Painting of Princess" still in progress: acrylic & pencil drawing over paper collage work by Savannah, age 3.5}
Don’t judge each day the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
Here’s a few FREE resources for putting together some artist studies, if you’re so inclined:
The World’s Greatest Artists Unit Study offered by Confessions of a Homeschooler here! The books needed for the study will likely be found at most local libraries (ours included).
Students often become very frustrated at the start of a drawing– perhaps because the starting of a drawing is always difficult. Also I think students beginning in drawing believe that drawings just “flow out.” They don’t. You will be making numerous intense relational calculations at the start, and it’s only after the drawing is well started– in fact, nearing completion– that it begins to “flow.” ~ Dr. Betty Edwards, The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain
So, NOW, GO! Lay outside on the cool grass with your kiddos, count clouds as they roll by, daydream, create, and enjoy every minute of this summer-time leisure; knowing that you are WORKING that oft-neglected, yet most important right-mode brain muscle.
Enrich your days, your minds–> Make some ART!
We don’t want all our children to be artists, while we do want them to feel after and appreciate what is beautiful, and let us frankly acknowledge that it is not everyone that can be taught even that much. At least then we can lose no opportunity of showing them really beautiful things, examples of great masters in painting, sculpture or craftsmanship (of which there are increasing numbers within reach)–at least we can teach them something of the beauty of nature and common things, something of the grandeur of simplicity and truth. And we can encourage them in drawing, modeling, needlework, carpentering, and a score of other things which will help them to use their eyes and hands accurately, both for their own pleasure and for the advantage of their generation.
From the Parents’ Review article “Educating the Artistic Feeling;” read the full article here
{{Click here to see my flickr set of our artwork from the Portraits and Papers workshop (which we’ll continue adding to as we create!): Portraits and Papers workshop}}
I recently began a blog especially for sharing my artistic musings and creative adventures; would love to have you visit!
So much has been on my mind and in my heart lately, as I consider our home-learning experience over all; from our methodology (including wishful versus actual- and how to write/share more on that. Hah!) and planned studies to balancing academic rigor with letting go – as I’m continually amazed at how the lines between the two do blur! I’ve been so encouraged to see how our kids do spend their free-down-time in such inspiredly productive and creative ways.
I’ve been talking to Nathan and Tabitha about their desired direction(s) in days to come, hopeful dreams, discussing potential goals, evaluating my own expectations, changes to make, co-op curriculum (since they’ve decided that is something they’d like to do) to incorporate with our own ideas for next year, etc., etc… and basically just how to best lead our children as I/we facilitate their educational endeavors and live out these precious days with them, learning together as we go…
Maybe one day, I’ll learn how to discipline my own self to write here more regularly, that I might share more of what I’m discovering on a daily basis… mostly just to make a record, that I might remember. Lord, help me to remember these fleeting moments and days… the lessons you’re teaching me therein, forever. Amen.
Greetings! Today I am so excited to share with you all about a wonderful (online) portraiture and collage art class that my family and I have recently begun taking together! Before I give you the low down, here’s the link to Jane’s phenomenal class, which has already blessed and encouraged us in our creative endeavors, on so many levels.
Go check out the details of her latest workshop! CLICK HERE
Art inspires me… it always has. However, I have found that art has also somehow been a subject that despite my best intentions (and planning even!) to do more of it with my kiddos, it has all too often gotten pushed aside in the hustle and bustle of every-day’s everything else. Fortunately, my self-motivated artsy twelve year old daughter has not waited around for me… she’s done plenty of art on her own, (even reading and studying from how-to drawing books, despite my slackedness) but even so, she has been begging me for awhile now to draw with her more often, to teach her how to do better portraits, and would I “please go through our New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain book with her?!” It has been at the top of my list…
There’s also our 15 year old son, who hasn’t often had the initiative to pick up a sketch pad on his own (though he did tonight), but whom I know has a precious gift of perception (which holds such great artistic potential). When he does take the time to sit down and draw (like his Dad), he enjoys it, and creates these beautifully precise drawings with such strong feeling! I do not want him to lose that, before he’s even hardly begun… I have prayed that the Lord would help me not to miss these years; these window(s) of opportunity I have left to learn so intensively with them, to share in such wonderful adventures as creating art together! This workshop has been a timely answer to prayer for me, and I am enjoying see my kids respond so positively to Jane’s excellent teaching (and she certainly is a wonderful teacher)!
When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what I did at work. I told her I worked at the college – that my job was to teach people how to draw. She stared at me, incredulous, and said, “You mean they forget?” ~Howard Ikemoto
Yes, we do… we forget. Of course I’ve agreed and intended a hundred times over to “do more art” in our homeschool, yet somehow, I just haven’t made it the priority that it ought to be, and sat down to do a whole lot of it yet… until recently. There’s just always something else, isn’t there? The terrible irony of my/our particular situation is that I love art. I too drew all the time when I was a girl, and then even went off to study and create art in college as a determined “Fine Art” major, making every bit of extra money I had off of selling paintings, pottery and sculptures. I have even wanted to do more art (again) myself!
Yet, for all of my zeal, there’s been something very daunting about the beginning of it (again) for me; the planning and preparation(s) necessary to do and teach it like I’ve wanted to, maybe? Maybe in some odd way that has something to do with my terrible procrastinating? Maybe you have absolutely no desire to do art yourself, but would like for your kids to take an accessible (and affordable) drawing and painting class? This workshop might even be perfect for such a situation, offering a way for you to facilitate a good art class for your kids, at home, with minimal involvement on your part. Or maybe your kids are too young for this, or just not even interested, but you’d like to learn more yourself? The class is for all ages, and is made up of mostly adults so far.
We have all been having so much fun learning and creating; doing these purposeful art lessons together here lately, thanks to Jane’s class!
You see, sometime last year my daughter and I ran across a beautiful painting by Jane Desrosier. We were both smitten, and spent hours perusing the gorgeous portrait-paintings of ladies and layered collage artwork on her blog and watching some videos she’d uploaded of herself painting (Tab was mesmerized)… Then, the more I followed her (because yes, I did!), the more I fell in love with not only her artwork, but her heart. Thus, I was thrilled when I recently found out that she would be offering an online workshop (for such a reasonable price!) to teach us not only step-by-step how she creates her collage paintings, but also lessons on portrait drawing. This has been exactly what I/we have needed to jump-start our own art program around here, and get us going it has!
Though I may have (once-upon-a-time had) the technical *know-how*, with life so busy all the time, I’ve (apparently) needed the framework/structure (and accountability) of a class like this to get to *teaching* and *enjoying* art with my kiddos. And yeah, with its being so long now since I’ve done much art, I’m a bit intimidated to get back into it myself- but oh-so inspired! My kids are enjoying being able to watch her videos, pause them, and draw along as she explains and illustrates her directives so clearly. I am just so boundlessly thankful for all the work Jane’s put into this, and to see how beautifully it’s meeting my kids’ need for “Art class” right where they’re at in a way that I simply could not right now!
Artistic growth is, more than it is anything else, a refining of the sense of truthfulness. The stupid believe that to be truthful is easy; only the artist, the great artist, knows how difficult it is.
~Willa Cather, The Song of the Lark, 1915
Fine art is that in which the hand, the head, and the heart of man go together. ~John Ruskin
Note: I have not received anything for this promotion of Jane Desrosier’s workshop, and am posting this shameless plug for PORTRAITS AND PAPERS: Gritty Jane’s 2011 Artist Workshop simply because it has been such an answer to prayer(s) for me! I hope to bless anyone else out there who might be needing a fun, accessible jump-start to/for their kids’ or their own creativity by sharing this information/resource! I’ve been pleasantly surprised to hear the anticipation in even my 15 year old son’s voice over this new endeavor of ours (and it will make for a great art elective on his transcript too)!
My kiddos are really enjoying the interactive aspects of Jane’s workshop, from drawing alongside of her via the videos she’s made, as well as posting their artwork and getting feedback from her and others in the workshop via the private flickr group Jane’s set up for this class. It’s been a lot of fun (and quite encouraging as well as inspiring) to see the work of online students in this workshop so far (lots of adults). I’m going through it myself, along with my 15 year old son, 12 year old daughter, with our 3.5 year old (smiles), who’s even insisting on doing some of her own *work* here and there too. Chris (aka. Dad) has even done some drawings with us (though he’d originally said no way- hah!). How could he resist his youngest girl’s pleading, “Daddy, draw a pretty picture of me, peas?!”
As I bowed low into her hiding place, reflexively thinking over how to gently admonish my three year old daughter most effectively (yet again); regarding her repeated dishonesty in sneaking more of the off-limits “chockawit” to indulge her impetuous desire for more and more of that sweetness which had been declared off-limits to her (because it would ultimately do her harm), my own words stopped short as the Word pricked my heart.
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
Rebuke I’d intended for her quickly echoed hollow in my mind, and I choked on the truth I knew, even as it lodged with its full force right in my own throat, making bitter that which had previously seemed sweet to my own untamed tongue.
Rehearsed authority faltered. Humbled I was now, by her childish innocence here marred by self-inflicted, simple guilt even she instinctively hid from so comically, as she crouched in the corner behind the shelf across the kitchen from me, hand held over her eyes, undoubtedly convincing herself that I could not see her.
In that lucid moment, I saw myself in her; sharing realization of the swimming conviction over something which my own heart had been wrestling with recently… I recognized that hiding place too, and even the childish attempt at covering guilt with feeble rationalizations: constructs of human hands.
My own coddled and misplaced passion, with its ensuing loathed emotions, which had been so carefully tucked away for more serious consideration and dealings later, now found unexpected reprieve in this simple, yet revelatory Light; naming it for what it was. Deceit. The direction of my intent was now crystal clear. My own hope of forgiveness was now reflected in the endless blue expectation of this child’s gaze; her trusting repentance staring unabashedly back up at me.
Instead of the standard issue reprimand, I haltingly kneeled down beside this precious little one, relating completely to her plight as I knowingly hugged her tight. That most preciously elemental understanding of Grace gripped me once again, wholeheartedly, and a holy repentance washed over me; kissing away the guilt, leaving blessed gratitude in its stead.
So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
I gently reminded my little one (and myself) of how King Yahweh will help uswhen our heart is weak and needs Him most: in the face of temptation, when it wants to go its own way (because it inevitably will; even the greatest of men have fallen) and prefers to do the wrong thing, unable to choose what is right on its own; if only we would sincerely ask Him.
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
I prayed for her there, and asked her to pray for me, “that King Yahweh would help Mommy’s heart too”; for forgiveness, healing and steady strengthening to choose that which is good, that which brings life. Abba was listening… and even now, He’s answering my call. HalluYah! He has sent me this child, and His Word, both of by which He is graciously teaching me, even as I am sharing these lessons with her and my other children.
When we cannot find the strength to pull ourselves away from strong temptation, and even when we’ve fallen, we should pray for help, get up, and begin again… Remember that when we fail, when we’re tempted to hide from him, He is ever waiting to forgive us, even making ready to fight for us.
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
In my own battles with guilt, I have at times been so simply overcome with such an overwhelming sense of despair and desperate helplessness, that I have felt utterly defeated… and on my own, I would be defeated. Yet time and time again, as has been the case in a personally dramatic way for me here this weekend, I am astounded at His faithfulnessto bow low and meet me in my own hiding place, finding me, gently correcting and teaching me; right where I am. Truly, He is our Abba Father, who loves us with an everlasting love.
May we cry out to Him openly, pleading honestly our case(s) before Him, that we may more readily receive His daily intervention(s) on our behalves. His loving-kindness and long-suffering are unalterable… Above all else, may we teach our children this great Truth: that they/we are loved with an everlasting LOVE!
A dear friend that I hadn’t spoken with in some time sent an email with this link in it to me only yesterday, and I found its message contained a very encouraging, timely reminder to my own heart: The Elijah Legacy: Commissioned in a Cave. My profoundly desperate need for more time spent hidden in Him has been more intimately realized. I hope that it might offer strength to someone else as well.
It’s a new day… and He is a STRONG DELIVERER. This morning, my Elohim reminded me of this, that He is as near to me as the breath within:
The LORD hear thee in the day of trouble; the name of the God of Jacob defend thee; Send thee help from the sanctuary, and strengthen thee out of Zion;
Remember all thy offerings, and accept thy burnt sacrifice; Selah.
Grant thee according to thine own heart, and fulfil all thy counsel.
We will rejoice in thy salvation, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners: the LORD fulfill all thy petitions.
Now know I that the LORD saveth his anointed; he will hear him from his holy heaven with the saving strength of his right hand.
Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.
They are brought down and fallen: but we are risen, and stand upright.
It’s funny (and interesting) to me how she’ll go through favorites; wanting to hear the same one, two or three book(s) read to her over and over again every day for two/three weeks at a time… and we have a LOT of wonderful books around here that we’ve collected over the years, not to mention the ones we choose from our library-visits each week!
More On-hand Pre-school Resources I’ll be referring to & using:
[Dates and Websites for further information for each chapter of AIS
*sad sighs*
…and she’s been nodding her head in response to questions, first of which was when the nurse asked her if she’s in any pain and she nodded *No*, she’s NOT in any pain, which is good to hear. Besides Tylenol, they do NOT have her on any pain meds right now. With her having been on that sedative Proforol so long, they’re really wanting to avoid anything but Tylenol- which they’re giving her to keep her fever down- it’s been 100.4-100.5 since last night.
